Wine Selection Gifts

'What wine goes with the Hippocratic Oath- my nephew graduated from medical school.'

"This wine has hints of rebellion with a lingering finish of rugged individuality - did you buy this to defy me?"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

In the Guru District

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

Sloaney Pony.

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'A cheeky red?'

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

Yoga for Alcoholics

Wine Lady

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Sauvignon Bonk

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Bacchus.

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'... And this is my cellar.'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'