Wine Lovers Gifts

'Well if you're going to play footsie with Roy Keane, what do you expect?'

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

"Talk about heaven - eight francs to the buck and old Binky still a chiselled blonde."

"I'm going to need more than a day."

'Uh, Jake, I believe that should be 'and the skies are not cloudy all day,' not 'and we pour ourselves more Chardonnary.''

'We thought we'd buy a few bottles of duty free wine before migrating north for the summer.'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

'The food's inedible, the beatings, merciless, and the rats, voracious - but the monthly newsletter is splendid.'

Wine taster with mineral water

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

In the Guru District

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'A cheeky red?'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Wine Lady

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"Now I really hate poetry."

Sauvignon Bonk

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Bacchus.

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'