Wine Devotee Gifts

'No, I cannot turn water into wine...'

"I don't have candy, but I have bread and wine."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

In the Guru District

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'A cheeky red?'

Wine Lady

Bacchus.

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"Now I really hate poetry."

Sauvignon Bonk

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

Happy Hour

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

Leaning Wine Bottle of Pisa

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"