Wine And Diner Gifts

'Enjoy your meal, sir, but remember -- no kinky stuff!'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Countervailing Clichés.

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

Why Cupid is not allowed to drink alcohol anymore...

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

"I'm getting plasma, iron and platelets. RH positive!"

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

"This is a big wine. I recommend you order some big food."

"This time when they show us their latest acquisition, we'll gush regardless."

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

Wine and Cheese

'Okay, that's 4 for the Malbec, 3 for the Chianti and 2 for the Merlot. You want to go with that, or wait for the write-in votes?'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'Your tea is getting cold.'

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

'You made me jump,'

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

Cafe offers corn several ways.

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

'All right, I agree with you.'

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

"The fifth wine has bright apple and pear notes, with just the barest hint of a blinding headache."

You ARE entitled to return a meal...But NOT after you've eaten it!!

Our specials today include salad and dessert. Tip and service are NOT included.

Did you slice this beef? You nearly missed.