Wine And Diner Pillows

'Enjoy your meal, sir, but remember -- no kinky stuff!'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Countervailing Clichés.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Why Cupid is not allowed to drink alcohol anymore...

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

"I'm getting plasma, iron and platelets. RH positive!"

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

"This is a big wine. I recommend you order some big food."

Wine and Cheese

"This time when they show us their latest acquisition, we'll gush regardless."

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'Okay, that's 4 for the Malbec, 3 for the Chianti and 2 for the Merlot. You want to go with that, or wait for the write-in votes?'

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

'Your tea is getting cold.'

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

'You made me jump,'

Still the Same

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

Our specials today include salad and dessert. Tip and service are NOT included.

Two men toasting

"The fifth wine has bright apple and pear notes, with just the barest hint of a blinding headache."

You ARE entitled to return a meal...But NOT after you've eaten it!!

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

Cafe offers corn several ways.

Did you slice this beef? You nearly missed.

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'