Wine And Dine Guru Pillows

"This is a big wine. I recommend you order some big food."

Come dine with me!

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

Why Cupid is not allowed to drink alcohol anymore...

"I'm getting plasma, iron and platelets. RH positive!"

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

Wine and Cheese

'Okay, that's 4 for the Malbec, 3 for the Chianti and 2 for the Merlot. You want to go with that, or wait for the write-in votes?'

"This time when they show us their latest acquisition, we'll gush regardless."

The date was going well. She was better looking, but he was about to gain the nutritional edge.

"Oh, put a cork in it...the bottle, you, the wine steward."

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

"'Market Price' isn't about the food. It's what we think we can charge YOU."

'Do you know the pearl fishers?'

"Let's make the bill easy and just split it."

Two men toasting

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

'Enjoy your meal, sir, but remember -- no kinky stuff!'

Bishop reads menu which features only loaves, fishes, water and wine.

"You want fries with that Chardonnay?"

'That's enough, thank you.'

'Good choice of wine...there's a 400 per cent mark up on it.'

'Are the shellfish safe?'-'Certainly, sir- we keep them locked up in the kitchen.'

Dogs with alcohol collars.

'I'm not putting it out. There's enough oak in this Chardonnay to keep this fire going all night.'

"Red with meant, white with fish. . . but it all goes great with chocolate!"

'Pineapple for the lady? Pineapple for the lady?'

Survival of the Foodiest

"I'm too old to go Dutch."

'SPRING water-in the middle of summer???'

"The chef would like to thank you for filling in the questionnaire and after watching you on our CCTV, he has these comments for you: You all chose the wrong wine and cutlery with your food and...'"

'Yeah, it's wine, and it's also why there's a 50-year waiting list to coach football in Napa Valley.'

"...Today's special is the ten-day-old roadkill..."

Theatre Restaurant - "It's a double bill!"

'The next time you feel like drinking champagne from your slipper, don't wear open toe shoes.'