Wine And Dine Aficionado Gifts

'I wouldn't dillydally over dinner. ... We're looking for a rate hike on the veal,'

Why Cupid is not allowed to drink alcohol anymore...

Residential Area Please Leave Our Supermarket Quietly

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Sauvignon Bonk

"Now I really hate poetry."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"I make it myself!"

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"Do you think there's ANY possibility that the 76 pints of lager,13 bottles of wine and 12 kilos of chocolate you've had MAY have contributed to you feeling 'a bit under the weather'?"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."