Wimbledon Wizard Pillows

"All the atmosphere of Murray Mound but in the comfort of your own home!"

Rhapsody in Blue.

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

Miss America IQ Pageant

"Baldo, you're a very good artist! You should put your talent to use."

"My preferred pronoun is they."

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

Sorry, I've said all I can say in this medium.

"This realm isn't big enough for both of our killer outfits."

"Just ignore it. It's a mirage."

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'31 years in graphic design eh, so I shouldn't be surprised you've retouched your photo on your CV.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"Victims of out-sorcery."

Remember, honey, abracadabra doesn't work anymore. Now it's command, option, shift.

'I don't like to brag, but I'm the guy who coined the phrase, 'Honey, I'm Home'.'

"What a load of hocus-pocus!"

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

A. Lincoln, President. The "of the people, by the people, for the people" part is great, Abe, but the "people who need people" section may be overkill.

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

Book publishing.

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'My blog has been favourited over half a million times but still no book deal!'

'We're looking for something that captures the zeitgeist of the nation...you know, the Great American Tweet.'

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

Bird reading '1001 pickup lines' - 'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

'It's called fire...it recycles wood.'