Wimbledon Wizard T-Shirts

"All the atmosphere of Murray Mound but in the comfort of your own home!"

"Baldo, you're a very good artist! You should put your talent to use."

"My preferred pronoun is they."

Miss America IQ Pageant

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"Just ignore it. It's a mirage."

"This realm isn't big enough for both of our killer outfits."

Sorry, I've said all I can say in this medium.

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'31 years in graphic design eh, so I shouldn't be surprised you've retouched your photo on your CV.'

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

'I don't like to brag, but I'm the guy who coined the phrase, 'Honey, I'm Home'.'

"What a load of hocus-pocus!"

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

"Victims of out-sorcery."

Remember, honey, abracadabra doesn't work anymore. Now it's command, option, shift.

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

Book publishing.

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'My blog has been favourited over half a million times but still no book deal!'

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

'We're looking for something that captures the zeitgeist of the nation...you know, the Great American Tweet.'

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

Bird reading '1001 pickup lines' - 'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

'It's called fire...it recycles wood.'

Great Poets of Catalogdom