Wildlife Satirists Gifts

"No way I'm going to curtsy! This "King of the Jungle" business has really gone to your head, hasn't it?!"

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

"Happy Gnu Year!"

"Too much concealer?"

'Whup - giant anaconda about to attack - quick Peg, hand me something to take care of it with.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"Eat me"

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'Pray for me.'

Giraffe Portrait

'I'm an atheist!'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

Crow and fox

'I wanted a change in decor.'

'You know, after a long hard winter, I just HATE eating out of cans.'

'Humans do it, why couldn't we? Instead of chasing food, we could breed it: It's all explained in my report...'

"You never laugh at my jokes... "

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

'So, that's where the blue water comes from!'

"Don't worry, it's not rabies: It's normal for me to foam at the mouth..."

The different taste regions on a blue whale's tongue.

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

'I didn't have time to hunt'

Man sees half-eaten 'Do Not Feed the Bears' sign

The polar bear's vending machine.

Glimpses One Dollar

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"