Wild Dog Whisperer Pillows

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Bitchbark Canoe

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'What motivated you to become a environmentalist?'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

Children's Parties

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"No no, I said sit!!"

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Licensed Therapist

"Foster failure"

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

Barks in code.

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

"Quick, start the car!"

Canine Companion

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

Dog Dreams