Canine Whisperer Pillows

'Oh alright...My gratitude blazes within me with the white hot intensity of a thousand burning suns...Now can I please have my newspaper?'

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'Remember, Doctor, when he was a puppy and you said he'd outgrow it?'

Operating Room Table Scraps

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

'I heard my master say I was getting fixed...I didn't even know I was broken!'

'It all started when my Master gave me my new collar. Every time I bark, I receive an electric shock: I think I'm possessed!'

Dog Training Institute

"Give him one of these 3 times a day and tummy rubs as needed."

(Dog smoking): 'Perky isn't a bad dog, but she's hanging with a bad crowd.'

"Oh stop it!"

Pet owner hanging Obedience School diploma

"I can smell things you can't even begin to imagine..."

"And you see this line here?. . . I don't know what that means either."

"And remember the rule: when the carpet is old, that's when we hold, when the carpet is new, that's when we spew!"

"I can't find his dog whistle anywhere."

"I sure admire that focus...Whatcha doing?"

"Well it's not as if you didn't give her some cause to yell at you."

'Phil, will you whistle for Marmaduke so I can get my chair back?'

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'

He'll 'stay' all right...on the velcro dogmat.

'Let's act in turn, Mrs. Jones. Before we start teaching your little rascal not to bite the neighbours' kids we should teach him not to eat them.'

'Is he good or what?!'

Vet to angry-looking dog: 'You ate some crabgrass, eh? Were you self-medicating again?'

'Shhh. . . even in his sleep he can hear cookies crunching.

"Sorry, honey. I'm too old to learn new tricks and I can't remember the old ones."

"We've trained him to 'go on command.' Currently, the command is, 'Ralph-Grab the Dog Before He Goes On The Carpet!'"

"Don't even think about it."

"You can do it. Just pretend there's a squirrel on the bed."

"I'm starting to think she doesn't want that ball"

"Theo, conversation is about talking and listening!"

"what say you we find another way to say hello?"

"Stay cool - we're picking up a lot of chatter."