Pet Whisperer Pillows

"I really appreciate this."

New, Improved Cat

"You know your mistake? When they say 'speak,' you speak."

Depressed Pets

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

"Look, I know you and I have had our differences, but can we at least agree that the goldfish is pointless?"

"I'm concerned about his memory. He keeps asking, 'Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?' "

Naughty Dog with Wagging Tail

'What am I blind, Bob?'

How to tell you might be getting too close with your pet.

'Word to the wise: Always check the cheese for pills.'

"It'll never work. You're a dog person and I'm a cat person."

"'Pee on the carpet!' That's your solution to everything."

'Really, I'm not scared of fireworks, but I use them as an excuse to run away for a few hours...'

Jeff had a horrible feeling the dog needed his worming tablets again.

'Scamp, this is Doctor Drummond. Stop scratching! Stop it!'

'Look, Doctor. I just want him cured. I'm not interested in what's wrong with him, so skip the lab work."

'Two seconds. How long do you pretend you've swallowed a pill before spitting it out?'

"It just comes naturally. I have good people skills."

'Tell me where she hides the treats and I'll get you a straw.'

"No I said fetch , not wretch.."

'I'm worried about that dog's hearing,Doris.'

'You show me how to pass that ridiculous company loyalty test, and I'll show you how to always land on your feet!'

"Look who's moved in next door."

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

'Okay, let the cat go.'

The difference between dogs and cats.

'Hey, not on the obituaries! Show some respect!'

Stupid vet tricks (Vet trying to trick a dog into getting an injection by waving a bone in front of it).

The Drawbacks Of Working From Home

'God Bless What Iguana?'

'Being the world's smartest breed of dog is too much pressure for some Weimaraners.'

"It's an illegal sublet."

Another failed fish hypnotism.

'Lip reading.'