Wild Dog Whisperer Gifts

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Bitchbark Canoe

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'What motivated you to become a environmentalist?'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"No no, I said sit!!"

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

Licensed Therapist

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

"Foster failure"

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

"Quick, start the car!"

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

Barks in code.

'Bert's dog training.'

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

Dog Dreams

Raw food, after you leave for work.