Quirky Animal Whisperer Gifts

"Of course I'm a sociopath; what else did you expect? I'm a cat."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Bitchbark Canoe

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

Police Feline Unit

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"Foster failure"

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

Licensed Therapist

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

Cat woman shopping for cats.

"No no, I said sit!!"

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

"Quick, start the car!"

Barks in code.

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

"It get it – you're hungry."

Dog Dreams

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."