Whittling Wonder Gifts

Have yourself a Merry 'Wittle' Christmas!

Claus 2.0

Cat Reunion

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

Whittling a forget-me-not moose for the one you adore...

'Have you had a brazilian?'

'No spell-check?? And you call this HEAVEN??'

"Be or be not. There is no question."

"I hate it..."

'Another nice wave.'

'There's one app we can't give you ... aptitude.'

'It was only a five minute job. Not worth changing out of his best clothes for'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

She'd decided to apply for a species change...

Will Self deprecation

Sportknitting

Wise Cracker

'Leonardo's Lament' - 'I have nothing to do.'

Before you feed him/After you feed him.

"I lick my fur and then rub against their legs. They think I'm being affectionate, but I'm actually just wiping cat spit on them."

Death Watch

'I thought I'd cut out the middle men.'

'Word came from on high that managers had to develop their IT skills...'

"As you all know your dear deceased Aunt Bessie was a very devoted cat lover...."

"Son, you're old enough now to whittle your own condom."

Accountants around the campfire.

"Shaving off your three whiskers doesn't make you older!"

'Workshop must-haves: a rubber drill.'

'Firstly whip your eggs....and everything else.'

'Maybe you should stay away from dental humour.'

Korney Ivanovich Chukovsky

'He got a splinter from his scratching post.'

They say I get 152 channels.