Whittling Wonder Pillows

Have yourself a Merry 'Wittle' Christmas!

Claus 2.0

Cat Reunion

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

Whittling a forget-me-not moose for the one you adore...

'No spell-check?? And you call this HEAVEN??'

'Have you had a brazilian?'

"Be or be not. There is no question."

"I hate it..."

'Another nice wave.'

'It was only a five minute job. Not worth changing out of his best clothes for'

'There's one app we can't give you ... aptitude.'

Whittlers Mother

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

Will Self deprecation

She'd decided to apply for a species change...

"Jose Rivera, who wrote the screenplay for 'The Motorcycle Diaries,' is the first Puerto Rican screenwriter to be nominated for an Oscar. He's known for incorporating his life experiences into his award-winning writing."

Sportknitting

'Word came from on high that managers had to develop their IT skills...'

'I thought I'd cut out the middle men.'

'Leonardo's Lament' - 'I have nothing to do.'

Wise Cracker

"I lick my fur and then rub against their legs. They think I'm being affectionate, but I'm actually just wiping cat spit on them."

Death Watch

Before you feed him/After you feed him.

"As you all know your dear deceased Aunt Bessie was a very devoted cat lover...."

"Shaving off your three whiskers doesn't make you older!"

They say I get 152 channels.

'Firstly whip your eggs....and everything else.'

"Son, you're old enough now to whittle your own condom."

'Maybe you should stay away from dental humour.'

'Workshop must-haves: a rubber drill.'

Accountants around the campfire.

'He got a splinter from his scratching post.'