White-lie Enthusiast Pillows

'Why's the sky so high?' - 'So the birds don't bump their heads.'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

The Red Baron meets his match.

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

Stephen Fry.

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

Oscar Wilde

"I'm not lying. I'm social distancing."

"How sweet of you to say -- and how dare you!"

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

'I'm still trying to build up a following here, but I'm huge in Lilliput.'

Know-it-alls

"Stimulating this area of the brain will enable the patient to think of all the clever things he wished he had said."

Aleksandr Griboyedov

'Dear Oscar, such a dry sense of humour.'

If I may paraphrase an old saying, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to urinate like racehorses." ! !

'He may be loaded, Tammy, but he's still a dirt-eating worm.'

"Here's a nice white wine. Goes great with grooming and hairballs.

'With Myrna and I, it was love at first slight.'

To some people, sarcasm is a second language.

Jugular Vein

Wrangling War Films How to make and Fake them: VI A Zeppelin Raid on a Poultry Farm in the Vosges District

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

Another day, another conquest

'Are you choking or are you serious?'

"I just got accepted to Yale." "I'd jump up and down for joy but my boobs are just way too big for that nonsense."

"Look. Ms. Shelby has a blankie."

Brains aren't everything - to some people they're nothing.

'I never know when you're joking!'

Groucho Marx

What did you see when you looked into my eyes, doctor? Two limpid pools. But I'm trying to control myself.

"He loved self-referential humor."