White House Correspondents’ Dinner Gifts

"Tonight I thought I'd try out my new Trump material."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Westview High School Soccer League Victory Dinner

"I believe I'll skip the appetizer. I ate the flowers."

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

"No dessert until you finish your dark matter."

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

"Oh, c'mon! Who eats aardvark with a fork?"

"Put on a tie. We've been invited to the castle."

'No, there's nothing else: At this time of year, we eat salmon!'

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

"Do you have to mime looking at your mobile at the dinner table Marceau?"

Screen Time at the Dining Table

Nuclear Families

'Spuds were watery. And where's my damn dessert?'

Opting for Chinese food for lunch, the law partners decide in principle to share their dishes and, accordingly, before ordering, negotiate a comprehensive pre-victual agreement.

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

'It started out with lactose, but ow he's intolerant of everything.'

"You know, if lima beans, cauliflower and broccoli tasted like candy and ice cream, we wouldn't have to go through this every night!"

"Ambitions . . . never, ever to eat broccoli again."

The Last Dinner

"These family dinners have become a lot friendlier since we started wearing nametags."

"Waiter, our son is a tasteless schmuck!"

"It's blank!!"

"Would either of you care to look at the dessert menu, or are you still breaking up?"

Table Discussion

"You're doing it again, using anthropology to avoid discussing our relationship"

'My fortune says 'You have enjoyed genetically modified rice and you will be hungry for more in an hour.''

"I can't take you anyplace nice!"