Whiskey Tasting Gifts

'Don't get your hopes up. In private practice, malt whisky and havana cigars mean you're terminal.'

Men drinking

"This 12-year-old malt...it's very small for it's age!"

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, it was straight shots all the way.

"Now when you say you're going to catch the bus, which bus might that be, I wonder?"

"Darling, you always know what I like for Valentine's Day... A Ballantine's card."

Bach Doubles

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

"No, nobody's handed in a delicious bottle of malt whiskey."

"If the energy drink isn't working, try scotch."

'Wake up, Joe - you know I never touch that brand.'

'Just a glass of water with a treble whiskey mixer. . .'

Cowboy on barstool with stirrups.

'This low-alcohol beer doesn't taste bad with a scotch in it.'

Grades of booze

"For the last time...where did you hide my Scotch?"

'Sir, would you like some 20 year old Scotch?' - 'No thanks, I never drink anything older than I am.'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

Join me in a Martini?

"I'm afraid our drinking water isn't pure."

Trump Poutine

Bernstein's got himself a driverless club

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

God taking iceburgs with ice tongs for his whisky.

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

Woman thinking about luxuries.

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

'Not only was the superbug immune to antibiotics, but it had developed a taste for Dr Jones' whisky.'

Whiskey wars

"We'd like to do a song that will barely penetrate your consciousness as you continue to enjoy those faddish cigars and single-malt scotches."

"Hey, who wants to hear a great single-malt story."

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.