Whiskey Lover Gifts

"Three Wild Turkeys."

'It turned out that if I gave up smoking, drinking and eating rich food I had a 36% greater risk of dying of boredom.'

"My wife wants a perfume that'll make her irresistable. What have you got that smells like bourbon and cigars?"

'Don't get your hopes up. In private practice, malt whisky and havana cigars mean you're terminal.'

"I see you're playing the scotch game again?"

Barman to Cowboy: ...' three fingers of red eye is the equivalent of six units of alcohol.'

'I've become resistant to antibiotics, but what I dread is a shot of whisky in a cup of hot tea.'

'EEEEEHA!!' 'WHISKEY!' 'What's the magic word?'

"He's been doing worlds better since we switched him from saline to single malt."

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"No. First, we teach you how to grow corn. . . then you make corn whiskey!"

"You'll have to have it neat, sir. We're running out of ice."

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

"Typical! One sip and he slips out for a shootout!"

"He was 95. The doctors reckon it was either the bacon, the beer, the whiskey, the smoking, the wine, the steaks, the coffee, the butter, the biscuits or just too much sunshine that finally did him in."

"Here's the two fingers of whiskeyyou ordered."

Biker's buddy

'Sorry fellers! We're all out of Snake Venom and Spider Fang. How about a shot of Margin Call?'

'We're more humane - whiskey rather than water.'

STRIP Garden Center "What's lazy man's grass seed" "You mix it with a bottle of whiskey and it comes up half cut"

'He's going to need more bourbon.'

'Make it a double, on the rocks. I've got a lot of edge to take off this week...'

"A trade war would make American Whisky much more expensive..."

'Polly want's a scotch.'

'Eric the white horse' was fed up being associated with whiskey...so he decided to try beer instead!

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"I drink scotch and smoke Cubans because I'm a young Turk."

A Good Batch.

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

Join me in a Martini?

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"I'm afraid our drinking water isn't pure."

Trump Poutine

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

'You know what they say...live fast, die young and leave a great fossil.'