Whip Collector Pillows

'Now we're going to test your reflexes.'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

Cow's straw

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

Teapot

Used wheels

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"Quick swig first?"

You can tell when the blades get dull on your rotary nose-hair clippers.

Portfolio, 2011

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

Playing cards.

Old Spice

Wine tasting

Red Wine

'Somebody's got to be kidding,'

Wine of the Day Club

'Gentlemen, invent your engines.'

'Do you mind if I take a straw?'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

Nouveau wine

"I'm in the middle of a local wine tasting tour."

'Red for me, please.'

Moses comes down the mountain with the first silicon chip.

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Well, sure, two pair is nice but nothing beats five singles!'

"I've got a chip implant, so if I stray from the neighborhood, I'm a chip off the old block."

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

'I'm doing like you said and not drinking straight from the carton.'

'I think we're all safe now. Go ahead and say spatlese.'