Whimsical Wit T-Shirts

"I am in so much trouble."

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the other side.

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

Oh, those are just photos of my first 1,000 kids – I haven't shown you the second 1,000 yet.

Bret drops back in the pocket and disappears into Federal Witness Protection Program.

'She's expecting pins.'

'He has his father's feet.'

'Hit me in the head with a sledgehammer.'

'I'm promoting you from yes-man to corporate stooge.'

A heron wearing waders.

"I'll have him ring you back, at the moment he's feeding the fish. . ."

"Do you realize that all your huffing and puffing is just spreading dangerous germs?"

Deep in the heart of the RAND think tank, the world's greatest scientists would gather to brainstorm Batman's fight sounds.

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

Sock Puppet in Literature

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

"I said slime."

A bird plays the flute to a cat.

Kiddies Menu for Witches

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

'They call me Portugese Man of War, but I'm really just a jellyfish of love.'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

Mother Goose's Haiku

Adam and Eve, as old people.

'Sheep striptease'.

The Nihilist Deli.

"I love you a bushel and a peck. How else?"

'There's a teddy and a pony... and that one looks like medulla oblongata!'

Moon Pies.

'See? Tantor like Jane -- he want Jane give belly rub!'

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."