Welfare Officer Gifts

"The benefits agency is always willing to be flexible...but only under certain limited clearly defined circumstances."

'I landed this on Jobseeker's allowance.'

'You got yourself a job? -- Don't you care what happens to me?'

Government cheese and crackers.

'... And how long has your civil list been frozen?'

"It's no use making all that fuss - there's no such thing as attention seekers allowance."

"But on my claim form, it definitely says Universal credit..!!"

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'The great thing is, the poor won't be able to squander it on luxuries such as dignity, equality and hope!'

'We need people who dream the impossible dreams - like pensions and health care.'

'...Do not feed the bears'

"The government is adamant that a policy of removing income support from lone parents with children over 7 is in the best interests of the treasury."

'Noah, before you leave we'd like to have a word with you!'

'Every year local authorities whinge on about needing more money to maintain services.'

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

Just Another Sloe News Day

Poor & Elderly Carry The Load Of The Iraq War.

Social security.

Food Stamp Nation

"Uh-huh, I see... and how did you get along with the other adopted sections of this highway?"

"We're usually pretty good at spotting job burn-out before it gets bad, but every now and then, someone slips under our radar!"

"It's a newstart rescue canoe ."

"We seem to be the only animals here."

"I thought I'd done everything to get a decent pension..."

'Since the cuts this is what we get instead of an incapacity benefits officer.'

"Ms. Hoffman, we're from the SPCA investigating allegations of animal cruelty. Is it true that you force your small dog to wear holiday sweaters?"

Social Services held back by risk, unrealistic targets and budget cuts.

'Let's see if you qualify for a handout. How many nuts do you have currently, and where are they buried?'

"We have reason to believe you're co-rabbiting whilst in receipt of benefit."

TV: 'It's 10 pm- do you know where your social security funding is tonight?'

Child catcher from 'Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang' as a truancy prevention officer.

No More Assistance

'Hello, NSPCA?. . .Listen our school only does chips once a week.'

The making of social security nets.

"Work harder. People on state benefits depend on you."