Welcoming In-laws Gifts

"You told mother to make herself at home."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

Welcome to the Team

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

“I have to warn you - my parents are a bit old-fashioned.”

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

Stockwell's day

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

'See, Dear? Told you I'd make it fit!'

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

'He just outlawed his in-laws.'

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"If it slows down, just ask my father about the murder he always swears he did not commit."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

'It's only fair Geraldine. I had to meet your parents.'

"Mum, Dad... I'd like you to meet my fiance, Goldilocks."

'Mummy, Daddy, this is Dylan. Dylan's ambition is to make conkers a recognized Olympic sport.'

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

"Remember, they're just as afraid of you as you are of standing up to your mother."

"He takes after your mother"

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"I thought you'd take up something like gardening in your retirement, not parkour."

"Darling, there's an offer for a time-share nest in Florida: Should we apply?"

"My wife is constantly invading my personal space. I think she gets it from her family."

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

'How do you propose to support my daughter on the earnings of a tooth fairy?'

"It seems like only yesterday we were in the age range advertisers covet."

"Friend or foe?"

How human migration got started.

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"Whisky? Have you got anything stronger?"

'Of course I will! Hey, I can't go wrong - my brother is a divorce lawyer and my dad is a gun dealer!'