Weight Watchers Chuckler Pillows

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

Moo-Magrams Exams

"Look, I can still fit into the suit I wore during the last paradigm shift."

'Don't step on that in your bare feet - my mom does and screams.'

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

"Turns out it was all water weight."

"Nice try Mrs Wimslow"

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

"I remember the days of skim, 1% and even 2%. Now, it's right to the whole milk section."

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

'How is the new diet going?'

'My body is a temple. A temple full of fat people.'

'Don't rush me. I'm adding up the calories!'

'To make matter worse, our combined weight is higher than our credit score.'

Your weight and fortune. What you'll weigh now...what you'll weigh 10 years from now.

'You are 14st 3lb..But then, you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.'

The hand's gone around twice.

'Doris, I know how much you weigh. Step on the scale and I'll hand you the fish.'

"Your health insurance only kicks in when you can run 100m in under 10 seconds."

'Nothing grows in the shade.'

Excess Baggage: If calories consumed on vacation don't count, then little creatures must sneak into your room at night to shrink your clothes.

"The diet section is located next to the snack bar."

"I said, I'm on a garlic diet. So far, I've lost 5 pounds and 12 friends."

'How much do you weigh?'

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

Armed forces recruitment - 'Guaranteed weight loss by sweltering in Iraq or Liberia!'

Scale SOS!

"Holy cow! I've gained eight pounds!"

City Health Club - Ask about our no more than necessary exercise class.

'I'm on this 3 month diet...it only lasts a week, but it feels like 3 months.'

Portions of a thin and fat man.