Weigh Station Wanderer Gifts

Lightening the load at the Weigh Station.

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Unguided imagery

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?'

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

"I like it here but if Santa doesn't get better WiFi I'm getting a new job."

"I've never seen Tia Carmen so excited about a grand opening."

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

'Where the hell's my app for happiness?'

"As I understand it, he has a whole other workshop in Hong Kong where they make all that electronic stuff."

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

Extreme Naturopathic Medicine.

Card: Get Human Soon!

'I'm afraid turn out isn't as high as we'd expected...three of them misheard the date, five got the time wrong and everyone from marketing went to a hotel in Norwich by mistake.'

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

“I’m not out of shape — I’m just not used to running so much.”

'See you next week, if I'm still in the job.'

"By the time I've read all the nutrition and ingredients information I've lost my appetite!"

Man exiting store: 'Since I've been taking the bee pollen, I've been stopping to smell the roses more often.'

Dessert Storm Veteran

"Oh, sorry. Wrong workshop."

"Yoga World is two blocks past Yoga Palace. If you see Yoga Mecca, you've gone too far."

Seminars for Sycophants

"I think the leadership seminar might be in the conference room. Would anybody like to follow me?"

'No, I'm NOT break dancing.'

'So you say, 'Tom, how do I become filthy rich?' Why, that's easy. By scamming others the way I'm about to scam you.'

"I guess now would be as good a time as any to talk about balance."

"See? The good still outweighs the bad."

"Today is catch-your-own day."