Weekend Golfer Gifts

'Two hundred and nineteen.'

I never realized what a bad golfer I was until somebody else kept score. Club House.

"Well, she said, if you go golfing today, it's over my dead body."

'Which club do I use for a hole in one?'

'My wife tried her best to keep me from playing golf today.'

'Due to corporate cutbacks, we're all going to have to sacrifice. Which is why I'm only playing nine holes today, instead of my customary 18.'

"It's Been One of Those Days."

'Are you on to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

"My kind of course."

'The only good drive I made all morning was the ride back from the stupid golf course.'

'Once again, Stuart was heading the leaderboard at the office golf open'

A Flag in One

"Will you please go away, can't you see that I'm busy?"

"How'd it happen?

"My handicap? The water, trees, windows, sand...."

"Your kind of course, dad."

Tee for Two

A man holding a golf club eying up his shot

"I swear to god Henderson, if you miss this one we're taking separate ubers back to the helipad."

'Darling, I'll be stuck here at the office until quite late.'

'First time I've seen the club go farther than the ball.'

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

'How did the round go?' - 'Very well. I've even got one ball left .'

Lawn Sale.

'That's the third putt he's missed, Will you please keep your head still'

Where is your other glove?

"Hand me a number eight iron."

"Now say 'aaaahh'. That's good. We'll have a look in those ears right after I sink this putt."

'The only thing he has in common with Tiger is the woods.'

"It's been an hour - let's face it, it's just not going to drop!"

'Oops! Sorry about that!'

No.3 Par 4. If it goes to the right, it's a slice. If it goes to the left, it's a hook. If it goes straight, it's a miracle. (Published previously on 2/16/2000.)

Glastonbury. After.

I could have danced all night!

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'