Wedgie Warrior Gifts

"I don't care if it will give you a wedgie. Pop the chute!"

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

"Let's just go in and see what happens."

"Wordle in two! You hear me? Two!!"

'First weeds of spring.'

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

"Getting drunk grilling lettuce just isn't the same."

"It had to go - there were historical links with slavery."

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

Getting Rid of the Cure

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

'Say, aren't those the same weeds that came up last year?'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

'Misery is sleeping in late on Saturday morning then realizing it's only Wednesday...'

'Whenever he stares out the window like that I know he's about to go into a gardening frenzy.'

"Race you to the corner! Last one there is an expired egg substitute!"

“Children hate me.”

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

Dale regretted going to the Vegan restaurant.

"You, my tenacious weed, are trespassing!"

'For heaven's sake Armitage - can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category?'

'... Got anything besides apples?'

The vegan hunter

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

"Apparently, giving up wearing fur wasn't enough!"

"Say, Bill, how's that new crop of yours doing?"

'He's so proud - We've got the best collection of weeds in the street!'

'The only vegan item on the menu is the menu itself.'

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'