Wedgie Warrior Gifts

"I don't care if it will give you a wedgie. Pop the chute!"

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

"Let's just go in and see what happens."

"Wordle in two! You hear me? Two!!"

'First weeds of spring.'

"Getting drunk grilling lettuce just isn't the same."

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

"It had to go - there were historical links with slavery."

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

Getting Rid of the Cure

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

'Say, aren't those the same weeds that came up last year?'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

'Misery is sleeping in late on Saturday morning then realizing it's only Wednesday...'

'Whenever he stares out the window like that I know he's about to go into a gardening frenzy.'

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

“Children hate me.”

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"Race you to the corner! Last one there is an expired egg substitute!"

Dale regretted going to the Vegan restaurant.

"Apparently, giving up wearing fur wasn't enough!"

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

'Look at it this way. The Dow gained 20% or more in the last three years. That's good. You gained 20 pounds or more in the last three years. That's bad.'

"I am still vegan, I am just having a cheat day."

'For heaven's sake Armitage - can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category?'

The vegan hunter

'He's so proud - We've got the best collection of weeds in the street!'

'... Got anything besides apples?'

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

"You, my tenacious weed, are trespassing!"