Wedding Storyteller T-Shirts

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

I was telling him a story of my granddaughter's wedding.

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

True confessions.

'He does.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

Children's Party

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"When I was young my parents couldn't afford to give me too much, too soon."

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'Riley, I think it's time you learned the truth... You're adopted.'

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

'You were a band geek?! Maybe Max will play an instrument!'

Speech

Wyatt returns home to visit his old small town.

"See those birch trees on the other side of the pond? That’s the exact spot where your mother first called me an idiot."

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

"But our history was current events when you were at school Dad!"

"Grandpa, how did you ever survive without apps?"

'It is a big day! Ten years ago, yout dad joined the union!'

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.