Wedding Day Storyteller Gifts

"Do you, Paul Bergerson, take this traffic ticket..."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'He does.'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

In Desperate Straits.

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

Speech

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

The Aisle

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

"If either of you know any cause or impediment why you should not be married, INCLUDING YouTube CLIPS, declare it now."

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

'And by clicking on 'I Agree,' you agree to the terms and conditions...'

Australian wedding, sheep gesturing, 'If there's anybody here who knows why these two should not be wed...'

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"Can you tell me the story again about how you swiped right on Dad?"

"You may now kiss the bride."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'Swear on your unpublished novels that you will support each other's ridiculous dreams.'

'My best friend threw her bouquet to me at her wedding, and I ATE it!'

"He's a terrific photographer but weddings are not his specialty."

For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health for a full 13 episodes...?

"And do you, Bob, promise to treat Karen as well as you treat your vintage 1950 Indian Blackhawk motorcycle?"

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

"Horace, what are we doing on the same cloud? Our vows said 'till death do us part.'"