Webmd Expert Gifts

"Let's make a deal, doc. I'll stop diagnosing myself on the internet when you start making house calls again."

A boy is sat at a desk, with five plaques implying different qualifications he has earned from using social media.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

Tonight: Al Hari Kish, leading yoga expert, speaks on 'this topsy-turvy world'

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

My husband is a world expert, but unfortunately it's only on maganese bronze.

'If this warning label on cigarettes packets doesn't stop people smoking, nothing will.'

"Interesting diagnosis. Now let's ask Google for a second opinion, shall we?"

"I find a good way to avoid stress is to close the curtains, climb into bed, and pull the covers over my head."

"I have prescribed something to make you sleep better! Be careful not to take too many! If you do this side effect is headaches!"

"Can't I go anywhere without someone asking for free medical advice?"

'I wonder if they KNOW about each other?'

"Why does every disaster movie start with the government ignoring a scientist? Like that would ever happen."

"You've omitted your previous patient experience and recommendations from two other doctors."

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

Dr. Fauci

"It's a good thing we caught this in time - An ingrown mustache can be VERY serious."

"And what would you consider your legacy to be, Dr. Fauci, when all of this is behind us?"

'I disagree with you, doctor. It's not just a hangnail. According to the Internet, it's a rare genetic disorder. . .'

"My job is to confirm your 15 prescriptions are compatible."

'It looks right, but actually it's very, very wrong.'

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and I think I've got bovine spongiform encephalitis."

Expert and Ex-Pert

"Congratulations on becoming a Proctologist...bottoms up!"

Next time we're expecting a so called epidemic, we'll do nothing, with any luck it'll go some way to compensating for illegal immigration!

I've already got a diagnosis from homedoc.com, but I thought I'd see you for a second opinion!