Webmd Detective Gifts

'I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I found out that I'm dead and it's your fault.'

A boy is sat at a desk, with five plaques implying different qualifications he has earned from using social media.

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

Science and Coronavirus

Newton's Law and Order.

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

Too bad Desmond had never learned to recognize the early warning signs of a heart attack.

'The first test was false-positive, the second test was false-negative. What are you trying to pull?'

John Snow

You're right, Mr. Fusco. Your health insurance does cover pre-existing conditions. So, honestly, how long have you been a wolverine?

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

'This could end up costing a lot more than I thought -- your disease is psychocomatic!'

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

I don't know what it is, but it's a textbook case of something.

"Interesting diagnosis. Now let's ask Google for a second opinion, shall we?"

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

'There's something wrong here. You have all these risk factors, and yet you're in excellent health.'

Doctor getting ready to give lady an injection...

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

"It seems all doctors agree with you, but I'd still like to get a 15th opinion."

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

'We thank you for giving us the ability to genetically alter, irradiate and microwave this wonderful food.'

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

"That's not what it says on the Web."

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."