Web Strategist Gifts

'After being on my site all day, it's nice to see some traffic.'

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"#Win!"

Likes: $2.

'Wow! I never thought it would actually WORK!'

Eldrow

Obsession with the Internet.

"Looking at you, the moon and beyond, don't you think we could start a blog?"

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

'Our little guy is busy with homework, or if we're lucky, some sort of social network start-up.'

"I'd like to TikTok your offer and get comments before saying yes or no."

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'Don't bite. They're trolling again.'

From Hunter-Gatherer to Influencer: The Evolution of the Dignity of Labor

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

Man from refuse department says: 'We'll send you a new wheelie bin, Mrs Trubshaw, there's really no need to 'orchestrate a mass Twitter campaign'.'

Technology and Love

'Jeff is a tackle on his online college football team.'

See? Whenever he's mad at me, he turns off his Touch ID sensor.

"Hack back with all you've got!"

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

Internet Cafe.

"Get used to verifications. In the court of the internet, you are presumed a robot until proven otherwise."

"Good afternoon, Ted. I'm your online presence."

'We've postponed the wedding until we come up with something we can do at the ceremony that will become a viral video.'

"Hi, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn."

"Oh, and add a couple of intentional typos to my weekly email update...I want to appear warm and authentic!!"

"I'm trying to grow a cancel culture – but it keeps dividing and dividing until there's nothing left."

"I may have been the runt of the litter, but online I'm the alpha dog."

"Social media stocks have taken a beating I'm seeing a lot of avatars on ledges."

"Do you have a link I can click on that removes me from all future conversations with you?"