Wearable Tech Junkie Pillows

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1,273,426 steps."

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

"I do tech support for the cloud."

"Siri, find oxygen."

"C'mon, time to get up and stare at your devices all day."

'I love to see you all so busy!'

"My fit watch has conspired with the TV remote. The remote only stays on some fitness channel until I get up and exercise."

Ready for a run!

"These kids and their shellfies..."

"My self-driving car is wintering in Florida."

"It's the new self-driving model."

"A hacker logged into my fitness tracker and stole all my steps."

'I got one of those new crystal ball smart watches.'

Some days Ted's head would get stuck for hours.

I'd rather be phishing.

Four Stages of Communication: Tell, Bell, Cell, Hell.

"Fit watch say me need more steps."

The manufacturer tried giving the virtual assistant a male voice...but it never listened to a thing you said and forgot anniversaries and birthdays."

Computer Fashion Show

"We're too late - the zombie apocalypse has beaten us to this planet."

"Mom's left her phone here. We'll have to walk to the kitchen to tell her to get us dinner."

"Memory? It has too much memory. Still holds a grudge."

"Scan it for signs of life."

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

"I don't know why you have to upgrade your mobile every five minutes."

'He's had too much exposure to wi-fi.'

"With all this wearable tech, I wish they'd come up with a smart belt."

'This watch goes up to fifty-nine seconds a minute!'

May 2004: Crack of 4:00 AM / May 2020: Crack of 4:00 PM

"We worked out how to make the watch smaller, now we just need to figure out how to make it lighter!"