Wealthy Art Investor T-Shirts

"SOLD - for £30 million to the man with more money than sense!!"

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

Rodin's Cattle-Grid

Anyone would think it's Frieze week...

Jackson Pollock Signs A Rent Check

Art of Surviving

"I don't know art, but I know what I like!"

"Here the artist opted for a more impressionistic approach, because drawing a tree is hard."

In the art gallery

'Of course we can afford it, Reginald. Just get yourself fired as CEO!'

'A bad Picasso is still better than a good wall!'

'It's nice but will it be a hedge against inflation.'

Understanding art.

'I only buy art that I can understand.'

"We have a new line of designer hedge funds...the Topiary Group."

"While, yes, I could produce those strokes, I lack the context to position an image in the ongoing conversation of contemporary art as enclosed by capitalist forces."

A rising tide may lift all boats but I sank all my savings in beachfront properties.

How Art Works.

Tilted painting

Let's see...number 61...the painting's name is 'Calamity'.

Artist Painting Dollar.

'It's a selfie.'

'God, it's a relief to get away from that exhibition of a bit.'

"In this piece, the price clearly does not reflect what the artist is trying to say."

'Amazing isn't it? The eyes seem to follow you around the room.'

'Great news Marcel! Proof that it's a genuine Leonardo!'

"Maybe someday we could set aside a cave just for art."

The Graffitist

Salvador Dali museum

'He lives under the illusion that Charles Saatchi is going to barge in here someday and buy everything.'

"He had help. There were architecture specialists, costume specialists, angel specialists..."