Water Company Executive Gifts

"It's trickle down."

Lovely, here comes some windfall profits.

"Look out - more UK Water statistics!"

Your Private Water Company: Gone Flushing

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

Spot the difference.

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

Water company bonus.

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

'It says our line printer is obsolete our remote terminal is obsolete, and I'm afraid, we're obsolete.'

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

"No coal here, either - but you never know until you look."

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'Our union contract keeps us from cutting salaries, but nothing prevents us from charging for parking.'

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

Oh no ... Outsourcing

Downsizing.

In the future, wars will be fought over water.

"I have the profit sharing figures. You owe the company �2,367.25."

"To join OPEC you must be a country and filthy rich in oil."

'No way! To fund health, education and welfare, we'd be forced to tax oil companies!'

"Why does it always have to represent something?"

'And this is where we all suddenly started getting bad vibes.'

Ofwat Sewage Scrutiny

"That's not profit that's the cost of having to turn them off."

Ethanol and foreign oil.

'After months of analysing, we found out how to stop your downgoing profits: just find more customers who want to buy your products.'