Watching Cop Shows Pillows

'All those cop shows about cold cases are based on my career. Every case I worked went cold.'

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Now that's a win."

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

"#notguilty."

"Number 2. Step forward please."

'When I grow up I want to join the SWAT team!'

He loves the water.

"Okay so which one stole your cereal?"

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

'It's heartbreaking to see Reynolds in trouble for fraud again, but I always look forward to his rooftop chases.'

"I can't be sure...I only got a quick look."

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

CSI Wonderland. (Photographer takes a picture of a cracked Humpty Dumpty. Investigators collect evidence from the scene.)

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of "CSI: Miami" to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45pm? The Youtube generation grows up fast.

"Another CSI spinoff? What's this one called?"

'It's the same EVERY year... 5 minutes to midnight; victims are all male, and they're carrying large sums of money.'

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

The Investigation

Police lineup

'So, what's it gonna be? Are we gonna watch a good cop show tonight, or a bad cop show?'

'I'm just saying... Maybe we're over doing the old 'good cop, bad cop' routine.'

"It was me who did it!"

"Alright, I'll talk. Just please, stop with the good-cop, ab-cop routine."

Washing line with robber outfit and swag bag hanging up to dry.

The Clown Hit

Mobster Dogs Burying Bones

Doughnut Criminals