Watch Guru Gifts

"You're late."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

The Computer Bore

Showbiz Awards

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Google car."

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"The GPS works great, we have satellite TV installed, the Sirius stereo sounds fantastic and our every move is tracked by Qualcomm. But could you turn around? I left me iphone at the house. . ."

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

CEO with SEO

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

Evolution.

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

Walking Luggage.

e-shoes

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

Mac OS 20

'Help! I'm wired and I can't get up!'

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

Crap from the future.

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"