Watch Aficionado Gifts

Water resistant, shock resistant, change resistant. 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it!'

"Basically, we're all trying to say the same thing."

"That should keep your fancy self-wind watch going for a couple of weeks..."

'Oooh, nice timepiece.'

"A thousand pounds to overhaul a Rolex?My goodness, time really is money."

Fake Review

"Yes, my watch is on time, but I only have 3 more payments to make."

Sundial watch...

"Inside my old watch, there's a little spring, and you twist this knob back and forth to wind the spring. . ."

"It's an Apple watch I use it to count my step."

'Just doing our job, officer - waterproof watch testing.'

'And it has a GPS system to put you in the right place at the right time.'

"Remember son, you can tell your mum and dad anything, we're shockproof."

'OK fellows, I confess: I'm a horse thief but I stole watches, not other horses!'

Watch Salesman

'Instead of when you retire, why don't they give you a watch the day you start work?'

'You want to buy a rolex watch? cheap.'

'I offer a lifetime warranty. If your watch ever fails just call me and I'll tell you what time it is!'

"I'll stop wearing a watch when they make a phone this expensive."

Do you have the time? Sorry, but I seem to have left my Rolex in the glove compartment of my Lamborghini.

"She's a Rolex. He's a Timex."

"I faked my orgasm."

"Have you got anything that doesn't look like a pressure gauge from the Titanic?"

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

'What do you do with the time you save?'

Television Readers.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

High security Santa's grotto

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"Bloody hell!"

Kritik's Korner

'We need you to settle a bet -- was 'Twilight Zone' a sitcom or a documentary?'