Wannabe Wolf Of Wall Street Gifts

'He gets the electric chair tomorrow and his last request is to learn day trading.'

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

New Guy.

'Do you think he's ready for the big round-up?'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

'Well, Frobisher, it's taken a millennium, but thanks to our initial public stock offering, we've finally turned lead into gold.'

A smiling man leaning on large piggy bank.

Warren Buffett as a child

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

Circa 1490: The area we now know as Wall Street.

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

As Seen On TV

'I could have been the next Neil Young, but my ol' man made me take singing lessons.'

Tonight's Topic. How To Make a Killing In The Stock Market. I made a killing in the market once, but the only casualty was my investment.

'Junior, if you don't do your homework and stop daytrading, we'll have to freeze your assets!'

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

'It's not just that he plays games all the time, it's the games he plays. He's not playing 'Guitar Hero,' he's playing 'Guitar Sidekick''.

"Well, I thought of it as an innovative economic stimulus package, but the jury insisted on calling it securities fraud!"

'Why don't you just screen for stocks that will go up?'

House building chart (like steps).

Low-Rent Stockholders

Wall St. Café, Happy Hour 24-7.

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

"I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill."

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

"I understand he's compensating for having been left out of the stock option programme."

'Confessing your sins in a folk ballad was an interesting idea, Larry, but I'm afraid your singing has forced me to add one more sin to your list!'

'Be reasonable, son - even Santa couldn't get a horse into a box THAT size!'

Dave's new nail gun revived the childhood ambitions he'd had before realizing that he could earn more as a carpenter than as a hero.

"Kevin brags that he day trades on Wall Street, but his ringtone is still Sesame Street."

Joel's mum was very strict. . . No homework, no air guitar.