Junior Wall Street Wannabe Gifts

'Junior, if you don't do your homework and stop daytrading, we'll have to freeze your assets!'

"Gee, thanks! What rate of interest does it pay?"

"Before you grade my test, keep in mind, my dream is to become a wealthy doctor, just like my available father"

A smiling man leaning on large piggy bank.

"We've made $7.50. Can we retire yet?"

Warren Buffett as a child

'He's precocious.'

Circa 1490: The area we now know as Wall Street.

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

Tonight's Topic. How To Make a Killing In The Stock Market. I made a killing in the market once, but the only casualty was my investment.

"This'll look great on my transcript!"

"You see 'The Man' devised this shrewd plan so more people can go to college and become doctors and lawyers and stuff. Now that they're 'productive members of society,' revolution is the last thing on their minds! I plan to make that my doctoral thesis wh

'Motivation...I want huge amounts of money. Vast amounts of cash.'

"Making an honest dollar's easy. Making an honest million, now that's tough."

The sixth college sense. 'I see debt people.'

'Why don't you just screen for stocks that will go up?'

Low-Rent Stockholders

'Since it's falling on me to help pay off the budget deficits when I grow up, I think you need to increase my allowance, Dad!'

"And you thought I couldn't find Hudson River views in your price range."

"I understand he's compensating for having been left out of the stock option programme."

Get rich quick scheme! $500-

'Admit it - you only want a separation to give you time to hide your money!'

"I think we'll begin with the gentleman on the end."

"Kevin brags that he day trades on Wall Street, but his ringtone is still Sesame Street."

"We pigeons are proof in you can make it in NYC, you can make it anywhere."

'Get rich quick schemes - $1,000,000 each.'

"Up next we interview the big lottery winner, but first, let's tamp down your envy and greed by looking all the lives totally devastated by winning the lottery."

'Yeah, I misplaced my winning Lottery ticket. I'm always losing things. I've lost my Oscar, my Nobel Peace Prize, my chunk of moon rock, my collection of four leaf clover's...'

"My school day was mixed. Big gains in history class, English was flat, math declined by a quarter-grade, and I took a pounding at recess."

'Tell me again. What do we do with pork bellies?'

'I'd like a joint account with a millionaire please.'

'The Mayor is going to be thrilled -- I found a way to fill potholes with toxic waste!'

What issue do we want to tackle this year? There are so many options. Oil spill. Natural gas fracking. Clean coal. Eco-club. Those are kind of global. How could we tell if our work made a difference? It's obvious. If we list it on our college applications and then get accepted.

'So like, loan dude, isn't it O.K. to get the actual icea for the kind of e-business we'd like to start after you lend us the $50 million?'