Wolf Of Wall Street Gifts

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

Wolf trying on sheep's clothing at a retail store.

E-Baying @ The Moon

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'Well, Frobisher, it's taken a millennium, but thanks to our initial public stock offering, we've finally turned lead into gold.'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

What happens when the bears are running the market.

Tempest in a Teapot

'Time to buy.'

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

That Awkward Moment When You Discover That Wall Street's Insanity Is Helping You

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

'Twenty percent bluechips, ten percent small-caps, five percent currency hedges and the remainder in cash. Get that list to Santa right away.'

'So, in 2079 you see the company breaking even. Can you give me some idea where you see things 10 years after that?'

'You simply put up a minimum of $2,500. If the price of fish goes up, your investment goes up. If the price of the fish goes down, your investment goes down.'

'Dad, this is so cool: Next month is a Blue Moon month, with two full moons instead of one!'

Circa 1490: The area we now know as Wall Street.

Wall Street lights the American Dream on fire while citizens try to burn Wall Street.

Making money for investors is simple

'Coach, were you forced to resign? ...'

You guys were right! Screaming profanities is more satisfying than howling these days.

"Of course I'm depressed. Just once I'd like to be associated with an up stock market."

Man sees 'Palm Readings and Stock Projections' business window

"What do you mean, the market rallied?"

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

Grim Reaper leaning on scared trader.

'How come this sheep tastes like sugar?'

Little pig #2 makes himself a less desireable meal.

'Twenty-seven years in a row the women investors in this club have outperformed the men--talk about lucky streaks.'

Pork Bellies.

'He used to swear by the stock market. Now he swears at it.'

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

The New Square Mile Regulator.

"Today big pharma stocks rose on news 'down' is a state of mind that can be treated by pharmaceuticals."