Wannabe Shark Owner Gifts

"Hello Ma'am! Have you ever looked at other shark owners and thought 'Why not me?'..."

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

Leak in the fish tank.

"The best beaches are Santa Cruz, Hossegor, Ericeira, The Gold Coast, Barbados, Sennen Cove, Oahu and Bali son: They're full of surfers..."

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

Whale Shark Thoughts...

A man gets a paper cut while reading in his back yard and is attacked by 'Lawn Sharks'.

"Can I interest you in a great white?"

"Dad, Dad, cage divers! Get the hacksaw and let's scare the heck out of them!"

"I'll have a man overboard!"

'You go ahead and eat. I'm on a raw food diet and surfer isn't part of it.'

'You may be a jolly happy soul Frosty, but you stink at poker!'

Shark Chum

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

'I think he wants you to play ball!'

"The reason you're not popular is...well...you smell like shark repellant."

'And get this: just when I thought the worst was over, the media blasts me for 'opportunistic, predatory business tactics!' Boy, did THAT sting!'

"What on earth were you thinking when you named your boat?"

"Oh, he claims I bit his head off, did he? And I suppose you BELIEVED him?"

Shark Fishing

"Little Jamie would like you both to know that he's now into sharks."

My First Boat

'We're not clear who is running your company.'

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

'This is tasty and all, but do you really think this is a great idea considering we have hundreds of teeth?'

"So I said 'Hey, not everybody likes jokes about shark-fin soup.' And? Oh, he apologized right away. Good! That was super-insensitive. No kidding! That's exactly what I said before I ate him."

'Dinner at 11 o'clock.' 'Roger that.'

"We must be close, I can smell sunblock."

"So many acquisitions lately ... should we be worried?"

Divers attache BITE ME sign to companion's oxygen tanks.

"Remember when the boatload of reporters sank? Now, that was a feeding frenzy."

"I say this as a friend, Tom...we always know when you're bluffing!"

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."