Wannabe Shark Owner T-Shirts

"Hello Ma'am! Have you ever looked at other shark owners and thought 'Why not me?'..."

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

Leak in the fish tank.

"The best beaches are Santa Cruz, Hossegor, Ericeira, The Gold Coast, Barbados, Sennen Cove, Oahu and Bali son: They're full of surfers..."

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

"I don't think I can fit that into my schedule, Irv. I've got a fishing boat to attack this morning, a beach to terrorize this afternoon and a feeding frenzy this evening!"

Whale Shark Thoughts...

"Can I interest you in a great white?"

A man gets a paper cut while reading in his back yard and is attacked by 'Lawn Sharks'.

"Dad, Dad, cage divers! Get the hacksaw and let's scare the heck out of them!"

"I'll have a man overboard!"

'You go ahead and eat. I'm on a raw food diet and surfer isn't part of it.'

"From downtown...the shark scores!"

'You may be a jolly happy soul Frosty, but you stink at poker!'

'And get this: just when I thought the worst was over, the media blasts me for 'opportunistic, predatory business tactics!' Boy, did THAT sting!'

Shark Fishing

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

"Oh, he claims I bit his head off, did he? And I suppose you BELIEVED him?"

'I think he wants you to play ball!'

"Little Jamie would like you both to know that he's now into sharks."

"What on earth were you thinking when you named your boat?"

Shark Chum

"The reason you're not popular is...well...you smell like shark repellant."

My First Boat

'We're not clear who is running your company.'

'This is tasty and all, but do you really think this is a great idea considering we have hundreds of teeth?'

"So I said 'Hey, not everybody likes jokes about shark-fin soup.' And? Oh, he apologized right away. Good! That was super-insensitive. No kidding! That's exactly what I said before I ate him."

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

'Dinner at 11 o'clock.' 'Roger that.'

"We must be close, I can smell sunblock."

"So many acquisitions lately ... should we be worried?"

Divers attache BITE ME sign to companion's oxygen tanks.

"I say this as a friend, Tom...we always know when you're bluffing!"

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.