Walletectomy Warrior Gifts

"It won't hurt a bit. Dr. Taxmore is doing a routine walletectomy."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

Your energy bill is enclosed. You might want to sit down.

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

Vincent Van Goat.

'We need people who dream the impossible dreams - like pensions and health care.'

'Let's cut right through to the heart of the matter.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

Fast Food Dieter

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

'Yessir, I just finished my first spay...but how did you know?'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

"So I misplaced a couple hundred Bitcoin. Maybe the dog ate the wallet. I din't know. S**t happens!"

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

'I didn't do the paper work necessary for you to get paid because I figured you don't need the money since your husband also works.'

Social security.

Anatomy.

Too Much Plastic.

"Well, we saved this attorney. Some poacher shot him and removed his highly-prized fin."

Genie.

Several of the med students had been cheerleaders when they were undergrads.

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

"Can you even imagine where women would be without the trade union movement...."

He really puts his heart into it!

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

"Please point out the problem tooth."

'Whew! Five surgeries in one day! Well, let's try to make this last one end on a happy note!'

'Thanks for allowing these high school students to watch your surgery. Check it out on YouTube!'

'I knew there was another book in him!'

'I'm prescribing magnets for your weight-loss program. They'll keep this on your refrigerator door.'