Wall Street Veteran Gifts

'We may be getting older, but we still have street cred.'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

'Time to buy.'

That Awkward Moment When You Discover That Wall Street's Insanity Is Helping You

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

What happens when the bears are running the market.

Born to raise interest rates.

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

Warren Buffett as a child

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

'In the belief that no news is good news, today's financial report has been cancelled.'

'Twenty percent bluechips, ten percent small-caps, five percent currency hedges and the remainder in cash. Get that list to Santa right away.'

"Subtracting net cash brings the P/E down to 47, and, finally, crossing out the 4 brings it down to a very reasonable P/E of 7."

Making money for investors is simple

'Tech stocks performed better today after the market was defragged.'

'So, in 2079 you see the company breaking even. Can you give me some idea where you see things 10 years after that?'

'You simply put up a minimum of $2,500. If the price of fish goes up, your investment goes up. If the price of the fish goes down, your investment goes down.'

"Of course I'm depressed. Just once I'd like to be associated with an up stock market."

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

Man sees 'Palm Readings and Stock Projections' business window

"What do you mean, the market rallied?"

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

"Today stocks rose on the news that 'down' is a temporary state of mind."

Pork Bellies.

Grim Reaper leaning on scared trader.

The New Square Mile Regulator.

'Do it over. You spelled 'buy' wrong.'

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"The stocks rally wavered on news Janet Yellen sounded greenspanish."

If only we could sell shares in doom and gloom.

A stripe of stockbrokers

"Today big pharma stocks rose on news 'down' is a state of mind that can be treated by pharmaceuticals."