Waistband Strategist Gifts

"My pants are too big, but they will fit again if I just eat a whole load of pizza and beer. It will be cheaper than buying a new pair!"

'How about a game of cards?'

it my imagination or is it getting warmer?"

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

'You should have taken up the game earlier.'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

A tourist struggling with loads of luggage

"This trip, we'd like to go everywhere our luggage goes."

'It's for the girl who's in a hurry.'

'Good to know my whole social life hasn't been a complete waste.'

Snail Coach

Shrink

'The Parkinson would be good PR, but should I wear the hair shirt or the sackcloth and ashes?'

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

'Sure it looks bad now, but try to imagine it with the right shoes.'

"At these prices, what do you expect?"

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

'Never mind another doctor -- I'm referring you to the Bureau of Weights and Measures.'

Boxing Trainer: 'And watch out for this fella. He has a huge Left Hook.'

'Governor game change and his replacement debate moderators...'

"Come on, Lucky Lady!"

Wearing all black

Boxing

"Duh!"

"What!?"

'After all these years of purposely losing to the boss, I beat the pulp out of him and turned in my resignation.'

'The classic pinstripe with construction boots delivers the authoritative butt-kicking power needed for Monday morning meetings.'

'Uh-oh. That's the 'special' whistle. ... This is going to be a major penalty.'

"I see we're all going into this interview a little superstitious."

"Hold on ! Hold on! When you said you'd played this game before at school...."

'Swimwear taketh away. Footwear giveth back.'