Wage Negotiation Wiz Pillows

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Salaries Manager. No.'

The Evolution of the Bonus

"My salary app pings when another new male exec at my level is making more than 77% of what I make."

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

A Quiet Rebuke.

'Maybe we should sign him before the MVP award is announced.'

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

"Is this about your raise?"

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

'What would you say to a salary increase?'

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

'Wrong number. Sorry, I dialled my salary by mistake.'

'Sir, we have a problem. The attorney section is totally overcrowded!' (demon to Satan)

"I'd like a raise, I can't afford to binge drink on what you pay me."

Tired of long hours and lousy pay, Bob begins a work-to-rule campaign.

"You look perfectly suited for managing on the pigeons have a salary that goes with the job!"

'Guess who's hinting for a raise?'

'You're asking for money? Now you're really pushing it.'

'The position sounds interesting, but my last job paid more coconuts.'

'No sir, I said could I have an increase in SALARY.'

'When it comes to giving a bonus...some people will stop at nothing.'

'As with all the other candidates, if you could write your expected salary on this piece of paper, we can then move on to the next stage.'

'Actually, Carruthers, if you take the world average income, you're grossly overpaid.'

"You'll be working entirely on commission. We were kidding about the salary."

"A delightful arrangement Miss Chalmers..."

"I never ask for a raise any more. I just hack into the boss's computer and give myself one."

Thank You for Not Bringing Up My Salary

'These public sector types have no idea the way that things work in the real world!'

"I agree you're due for a raise, and when you leave my office, you'll still be due for a raise!"

'How about a small rise?' - 'No, but how about a large reference?.'