Wage Negotiation Wiz Prints

So you won't unionize unless I agree beforehand to give you a raise? Fair's fair. I'll let you play out your fantasy of being a union buster during a period in which the American public has turned against organized labor. You can humiliate me by refusing my demands and publicly haranguing me. In exchange, you secretly agree to a 50-cent an hour pay hike. 25 cents and you publicly apologize for the collapse of America. 30 cents and I don't clean he bathroom after the monkeys use it.

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Salaries Manager. No.'

The Evolution of the Bonus

"My salary app pings when another new male exec at my level is making more than 77% of what I make."

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Maybe we should sign him before the MVP award is announced.'

A Quiet Rebuke.

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

"Is this about your raise?"

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

'What would you say to a salary increase?'

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

'Sir, we have a problem. The attorney section is totally overcrowded!' (demon to Satan)

'Wrong number. Sorry, I dialled my salary by mistake.'

"I'd like a raise, I can't afford to binge drink on what you pay me."

'You're asking for money? Now you're really pushing it.'

Tired of long hours and lousy pay, Bob begins a work-to-rule campaign.

'Guess who's hinting for a raise?'

"You look perfectly suited for managing on the pigeons have a salary that goes with the job!"

'No sir, I said could I have an increase in SALARY.'

'The position sounds interesting, but my last job paid more coconuts.'

Thank You for Not Bringing Up My Salary

"A delightful arrangement Miss Chalmers..."

'How about a small rise?' - 'No, but how about a large reference?.'

"I never ask for a raise any more. I just hack into the boss's computer and give myself one."

"You'll be working entirely on commission. We were kidding about the salary."

'As with all the other candidates, if you could write your expected salary on this piece of paper, we can then move on to the next stage.'

'When it comes to giving a bonus...some people will stop at nothing.'

'Actually, Carruthers, if you take the world average income, you're grossly overpaid.'

'These public sector types have no idea the way that things work in the real world!'